Well, my last post was a bit depressing – even to read back! However, I think it led to me really focusing my attention on my health in general, which can only be a good thing, right?
Since writing that last post, not much has changed in terms of my relationship with the hubs, but I think when focusing only on the negatives, anything can sound horrible. All of those things are true, but not necessarily all the time and more importantly, there are countless other things that are true as well. Those are the things I’m extremely grateful for and the things that I need to focus on in future. I am so fearful that if I ignore a ‘problem’, it will turn into a bigger issue. Basically, what that ultimately means is that I don’t have faith in my husband or what we have. How horrible is that? After seven years together, two (almost) children and a thousand daily reminders of how much he loves me and how committed he is to me, our family and our life together, I need to really keep things in the proper perspective.
To be honest, I think a major part of what I need to focus on is frankly a simple perspective shift. What will that take on my part? Ultimately, I think it comes down to yoga and meditation. I know that in the past, when I focus on clearing my mind with those things, well, it works! Beyond that, I need to stop anticipating problems, dwelling on negatives and being so hard on myself and my husband, in general. Again, though, I do know that yoga and meditation help with that as well.
Like most things, I don’t know how to start. I have an idea of ‘meditation’, but it’s all based on my experiences growing up in my religion. Growing up in Self Realization Fellowship, I definitely have both positives and negatives associated with meditation, God and my own spirituality in general. Unfortunately, the negatives have been weighing heavily on me for quite some time and I have felt uncomfortable with the very thought of meditation and spirituality, even so far as feeling abandoned by God and Guru.
I’ve felt this for so long that I never stopped to question whose God had abandoned me and whose beliefs I was questioning. I have always known my own heart and mind and I believe I do now as well, I’ve just been too caught up in hang-ups from the past. It’s time to let those go and focus on myself and my future, in more ways than simply my spirituality.
That, of course, leads me to this point and how to begin again.